"I can't take another minute of this" = Wisdom
I've been thinking a lot about the powerful transition of running from something into running toward something.
In my personal experience and in my work with clients, we are often first inspired to action because we are running from.
As in from: a terrible boss, a mismatched corporate culture, underappreciated strengths, or intractable personality conflicts.
To my mind, this is a perfectly good place to start. Because, the road to the life we want to have often begins with the stark contrast and clarity offered by the things that make us cringe.
There are certain principles, values, and ethics that, when breached, deserve to be run from without any analysis or hesitation.
And then there is a vast landscape of grey area where our inner sirens of "no," "yikes," "get me outta here," and "this isn't quite right" can lead to real gifts of insight.
We are so programmed to be agreeable (yes, even those of us with reputation for being the contrarian) that we often push away or ignore the subtle and not so subtle discomfort we experience in our cultural groups - be these workplaces, social or familial circles.
So the first thing to check in about is: are you acknowledging the "no"?
Like maybe you've been avoiding a particular customer or colleague or friend. Maybe you get sleepy or bored or irritable ahead of a certain standing meeting. Maybe you've been scanning job postings on LinkedIn every week.
But have you actually put to words what you don't like about the conversation, person, meeting, job, or workplace?
I have not found any bestsellers with the sentiment "Self-Pity Saved Me" so I'm not suggesting we let ourselves wallow here.
Writing and verbalizing our reactions and experiences can lead to important insights and help us integrate these lessons better into our lives. (Scientifically what happens when we write (or talk) about our concerns is that the physical and emotional experiences we are having on the right side of our brain get integrated with the verbal and logical centers on the left side of our brain and this creates a more well-rounded portrait of our circumstances.)
Once we've named when, where, what of our "no" - the thing that doesn't sit well with us - it's time to get curious...like an engineer.
Toyota first used the principles of asking 5 Why's to get to the root cause of a manufacturing problem and this strategy has since been beloved by a lot of process improvement methodologies. (Read more about the 5 Why's.) Turns out, its a personal growth gem too.
Wherever you find yourself having a yucky feeling or reaction - logical or not - see if you can ask "why" at least 5 times and gain any new insights.
Example:
"I hate handling this invoicing."
1. Why? It feels like a waste of my time.
2. Why? There are other more important things I should be doing.
3. Why? I need to be thinking more strategically but I'm overloaded with this kind of nonsense.
4. Why? We aren't hiring the right mix of people and streamlining our processes.
5. Why? I'm not sure if my boss really values my strengths or understands how to best utilize my skills.
See if this activity starts to open up new perspectives on the things that are troublesome. Perhaps a new reaction to try that could change the dynamics. Or, perhaps, some wisdom that helps you begin to envision the future you want to run toward.
Much love,
Marijke Ocean Joy
P.S. Someone in your corner, but with some arms-length perspective, can be a huge help when you are working with a complicated problem. I'm always here to help. Schedule a free mini-coaching session if you want to see what it would be like to work with me.