Stop Trying Harder: Willpower is a Design Problem

What comes to mind when you think about "willpower"?

Most of us imagine heroic feats of resistance – staring down a plate of cookies and simply refusing to give in through sheer mental fortitude.

But research and ancient wisdom tell a different, more nuanced story about what real willpower looks like.

The Surprising Truth About Willpower

Consider my dog during training sessions. When faced with a tempting treat she's been commanded not to eat, she doesn't sit there stoically resisting temptation. Instead, she actively looks away and physically distances herself from the treat. The more tempting the morsel, the further she moves away. She's modeling a profound truth: effective willpower often means engineering our environment and behavior to avoid confronting temptation head-on.

This insight is backed by the famous marshmallow experiments with children. The kids who successfully delayed gratification (aka didn't eat the marshmallows) didn't achieve this through iron discipline. They used clever strategies like turning away, singing to themselves, or finding other activities to stay occupied. Their success came not from resistance, but from redirecting their attention and energy elsewhere.

Perhaps the most vivid illustration comes from Homer's Odyssey. When Odysseus wanted to hear the Sirens' song – known to drive sailors mad with desire – he didn't rely on mental strength alone. Instead, he had himself physically strapped to his ship's mast and ordered his crew (their ears safely plugged) to ignore any commands he might give while under the Sirens' influence. This wasn't weakness – it was wisdom.

True willpower, then, isn't about white-knuckling our way through temptation. It's about understanding our limitations and strategically creating structures and systems that help us honor our commitments, even when our future selves might waver.

To put this insight into practice, start by asking yourself:

Am I trying to start something new (like blocking time for strategic thinking and planning) or stop something that isn't serving me (like constantly monitoring email even after hours)?

If you're starting something new, ask yourself:

"What's the smallest possible version of this habit that would still feel like a win?"

If you're trying to stop an unwanted behavior, consider:

"If you had to make this unwanted behavior 3x more difficult to do, what changes would you make to your environment or routine?"

The bottom line: real willpower lies in setting yourself up for success rather than testing your resistance. Whether it's keeping junk food out of the house, blocking distracting websites during work hours, or having a workout buddy who holds you accountable, the key is designing your environment to make the right choices easier and the wrong ones harder.

Much love,

Marijke Ocean