I only control things I can't trust.

Sometimes before I can explain my understanding I can feel something is true. I know feelings aren't proof. And the scientist inside me always wants to register some heavy doubts about this "feeling of truth."

But I've grown to trust these feelings of truth more and more.

So, when I heard Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist, say that control and trust are opposites - I got really curious because I felt the ring of truth.

My inner scientist went searching for evidence.

I scanned my life for some of my favorite things to get control-y about:

• My daughter's jealousy

• My in-law's fear and anxiety

• My husband's social life

• My own disappointment

• Our family schedule

I find at the root of each of these triggers for my control is a lack of trust.

Some part of me is believing that the feelings, the people, or our way of life will not be ok if I don't step into "fix" it.

Of course, from that frame of mind, my solutions are often ... Obnoxious. Exaggerated. Rigid.

Nothing gets fixed in this context. And so the cycle continues - unless I get willing to trust.

Control and trust are opposites.

Does this ring true for you?

Much love,

Marijke Ocean

P.S. Want to hear more from Dr. Becky Kennedy? Her interview (2 episodes) on the We Can Do Hard Things podcast felt like it was designed for the healing that me and so many of my clients and friends long for. It's technically about parenting but in practical terms it's also about how we can (re)parent ourselves.