My love letter to the too long to-do list
For well over 6 years now I have been actively pushing back against toxic productivity in my own life. And I’ve been skeptical of the “I’m So Busy” badge of honor for much longer than that Not because I am a relaxed-easy-breezy-who-cares kind of lady…
I am aware of the pressure to achieve and produce because I find it so alluring and I’ve lived through it’s pitfalls.
Perhaps not surprising then, that I occasionally (😉) find myself with a to-do list so long that it becomes useless at best - paralyzing at worst. These days my to-do list overload typically begins with a dash of optimism.I feel the rising tide of things I want to do and think…”it’s time for a “braindump!”
I eagerly - joyfully even - make a master list.
A few days later the master list has 5 additions for every 1 completion. But the optimism persists…vestiges of that “productivity CAN make me happy” belief system. “I need categories!,” I’ll imagine. Home, work, kids, phone calls, emails, errands, strategic, tactical… I’ll choose a few favorite and logical categories. And for a day or two I’ll keep chopping away at the (ever growing) list of things that can be done. Soon, the to-do list will cover multiple pages - my appetite for action growing exponentially.I’ll begin to feel like a hamster on a wheel and conclude with genuine surprise (for the 3,967th time), “this is impossible.”
And it’s about here where the illusion of control collapses.
I’m proud to say I accept this more gracefully now than I used to.
I can see it’s not personal at all.
It’s a charming paradox actually. My brain - which is biologically designed with a strong negativity bias - also has a propensity to anticipate (okay, exaggerate) my potential to get things done. My most recent to-do list folly reminded me of a great article by David Epstein titled You Should Plan To Get Less Done. (I’ve recommended Epstein before. In particular, his book Range which makes a case for late blooming careers and a broad diversity of interests & experiences. Still highly recommend.) This article introduces the “planning fallacy” - a term coined by Nobel laureate, psychologist Daniel Kahneman and his colleague Amos Tversky.
Epstein writes:
“The planning fallacy describes our natural bias when forecasting our own productivity: we focus on the best-case scenario, or something dangerously close to it. Rarely does that scenario play out.”
After all - if we really imagined all the things that likely will get in the way - we might never begin. I know this was true for plenty of dreams I left unattended for years. What-ifs and risks have brought plenty of clients to me - unsure of how best to move forward. If we only anticipated the difficulty and the failures, we’d stay in quite small lives.
Let me propose this: a too long to-do list is probably a sign we are attempting something quite brave.
The trick is learning how to relate to that to-do list. Hint: It's a not a measure of your worth or value.
Consider this my love letter to all of you who have a to-do list that is impossibly long.
Whether in your head or written down. Categorized, color coded, or simply stream of consciousness. I see your optimism & enthusiasm. I see your sincere hope that getting things done will make you happy or keep you safe. It’s not your fault the list keeps growing. And you don’t need to twist yourself in knots to get it all done.
It’s human & hopeful to make that list.
Now pick just one thing. Do it with gusto. And give yourself a break.