This question changed my life.
When I first started working with a coach some years ago she asked me, "When you are 80, 85 years old sitting on your porch in a rocking chair - what memories, experiences, or accomplishments will be most important to you? What will really matter? "
Even now this question feels a bit hokey. But in the quiet, dedicated time of our session, I reflected on it carefully and answered as honestly as I could.
You might take a minute to do the same.
I imagined trips with family. Vacations at the beach with nothing much on the agenda. Simple adventures in forests. Discovering new places together. I saw lots of memories of laughter filled evenings. I imagined being real with each other.
I checked and checked again. Nothing about work. Not a single noteworthy professional or academic accomplishment. No extra houses or cars.
If we were rich - we were rich in time. Overflowing with genuine enjoyment of each others company and the freedom to be together.
Like you, I knew the saying, "no one on their deathbed wishes they worked harder..." But at the time I was still chasing accomplishments that I thought/hoped would finally make me feel I'd done/was enough.
This simple question & answer kicked off a major reorienting of my life.
My 80 year old self wasn't pointing me towards a life of constant vacations (although the exact imagery wasn't far off from that...).
She was giving me a glimpse of what really mattered (to me):
Connection
Presence
Nature
Laughter
Courage
Freedom
Authenticity
And I hadn't been checking in with myself about this. A lot of my choices and my direction were on auto-pilot.
So even if it feels a little cheesy, I hope you will genuinely consider what your wise self - at the end of your life - will tell you about what really matters.
I fully expect your answer to have a unique flavor that is just yours. And I'd love to hear it.
With all my love,
Marijke Ocean
P.S. If you'd be inspired, I'm getting ready to dive into a book called The Five Invitations written by Frank Ostaseski. He writes about the end of life wisdom he has learned at the bedsides of people for many decades. He is the cofounder of the Zen Hospice Project and his stories are always deeply moving.