What's your signature style for "beginnings"?
What's your attitude toward the beginning of the new year right now? It may give you some insight about the habitual way you treat beginnings in general.
Here's my story with beginnings:
5 years ago I embarked on a 2 year mindfulness meditation teacher training. I was super excited for the opening 3-day retreat in Metro DC. I had fun planning, packing, sleeping in the hotel (by myself!) the night before.
I was bouncy and bubbly heading over to the conference hall for the opening day. As the morning progressed I felt a gradual but growing sense of despair replace my enthusiasm.
All the new people to meet...and compare myself to. Was I really up for this commitment? Even the inspired, truly life changing talks by the teachers felt overwhelming and isolating.
Fortunately the day was so full of guided self-reflection that I couldn't help but realize that I was watching some of my habitual conditioning unfold.
Exuberance followed by self-doubt.
As soon as I labeled it, I realized I had spotted a familiar pattern that I'd been playing out in various forms since early childhood.
My life is littered with examples of the way I launch myself into something whole and open heartedly only to discover that the reality is so much harder than I imagined.
The pattern itself isn't really a problem.
We each have some signature styles for handling the beginnings of things. I am sure yours has its roots in your unique childhood - just like mine.
The awareness of the pattern opens up new possibilities for interpreting & relating to our experience of beginnings.
For me, I can widen my view instead of giving the initial disappointment & difficulty too much significance. In other words, I don't immediately interpret the self-doubt as a sign that I've made a wrong turn.
So what is your tendency at beginnings?
You might notice how you are relating to The New Year (!).
Or if that doesn't feel clear - consider the way you:
Start a race/game/contest
Fall in love
Begin a new job
Start a project at home
Kick off a vacation
Would you share your pattern with me? I'd love to hear about it.
And I'll be fascinated to know if you find the awareness changes the way you relate to the beginning of 2023 ... or other beginnings in the year ahead.
Much love - always,
Marijke Ocean