It's a good news/bad news thing...

I've got some potentially hard news...

Only YOU have the instructions for your life.

I used to LOVE to ask for advice about my life. Teachers, parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors... This habit started very young.

In high school it got formalized: What volunteer work should I do? What sports should I play? Where should I apply to college? Where should I go to college? What classes should I take? What concentration (that's Harvard's fancy terminology for "major" 🙄)?

Then after school it continued. I'd get interested in a new position at the company and start some conversations about it with the department. Then of course, I'd schedule a few meetings with mentors, former managers..."what did they think I should do?"

People love getting asked for their advice. So mostly I got a lot of encouragement. And in fact many times people helped me understand something that I didn't already know - like what the work might really be like in a particular volunteer job, internship, or department.

Once I was in the corporate world, these conversations would help me add some of the political subtext of the company to my decision. And the really great mentors would help me consider why I wanted a change and whether the change I was proposing would actually achieve that.

But this polling process also distanced me from my own inner knowing.

It gradually became harder to access clarity and wisdom from within.

Sure we need input from others. We are social animals that are wired to care what the group thinks. This allows us to cooperate.

And on quite a practical level, there is an impossibly large amount of information in the world for any of us to digest on our own. So we need people we trust to help us sift through some of that, find the relevant details.

The problem of course is that no one has ever lived our life - so as Glennon Doyle has said so eloquently - on some level "we are asking people for directions to places they've never been."

Some of you don't have any idea what I'm talking about.

You've been marching to the beat of your own drum since way back. You're a bad ass. This email is not for you.

If you're still with me - you might consider, who do you most like to get your directions and advice from?

Now I particularly liked to poll authority figures. Teachers, parents, bosses, etc...

Some people are more likely to poll friends, peers, siblings.

Someone else might love to poll experts: books, podcasts, gurus, courses & classes.

I'm not saying you have to stop caring what other people think or seeking knowledge. I'm proposing you come back into balance and give your own instincts proper due!

If you've been asking for directions from people who have never and will never live your life...finding this balance is essential. It will take effort, but it will be well worth it!

Want to know more about what I'm talking about here?

Message me here and I can point you towards some tools and resources!

Much love,

Marijke Ocean