Stop the drama
A lot of people tell me that constant fire drills are a huge problem. The reactivity, the time hijack, the stress...
If it's not fire drills ... then it's another source of drama. Our own or someone else's chaos. A relationship laden with conflict.
These cycles can be addicting and then exhausting.
We become addicted to the adrenaline hit we get when we rush in to tackle the urgent "danger" before us. If nothing else, a day or two without the drama we detest can seem a little dull...and that confuses the hell out of us.
But as I hope you are aware, chronic stress eventually takes a huge physical and mental toll.
It often starts as a loss of enthusiasm and purpose. Gradually this subtle dissatisfaction evolves into greater emotional intensity - anger, withdrawal, sadness, worry.
Untended, physical symptoms like chronic headaches, digestive issues, or insomnia become daily occurrences. Then more severe emotional issues like depression and anxiety. Work and personal relationships begin to suffer.
The final stage of tolerating a high and constant level of drama is often a more traditional form of addiction. Food, exercise, alcohol, or drugs...these are our last ditch efforts to get relief.
So if you've been stuck in a cycle of drama or chaos in one form or another...and you're ready to hop off the wild ride...let me offer a basic framework.
It's simple. It's effective. And for most of us - me included when I use it in my own life - it's terrifying. (This is why Brene Brown says "we can choose courage or comfort, but not both.")
Here it is:
It's not the fire drill that is the problem.
It's how you relate to the fire drill that is the problem.
If you choose to relate to the fire drill differently, the people who think this is a life or death fire may be pissed.
And, let's not hide from the things that really get our hearts racing:
You may lose a client.
You may lose your job.
The company or organization may fail.
Your friend, or mom, or husband may leave you.
If you are ready to stop the drama then sitting in the hot discomfort of these possibilities is exactly what you need to do.
You don't need to do this alone. In fact, I don't recommend it. In my experience trying to do this by yourself is a bit like asking your dealer for advice on how to get sober.
You taught yourself how to get sucked into the drama, it's hard to figure out a new way out all by yourself.
A coach is a great thought partner in these situations - chat with me if you want to learn more how that works.
Stopping the cycle of drama and fire drills is brave and important work.
Not just for your own happiness but also because you are setting an example for others about what to tolerate and how to live.
Talk to me if you want more support. I'd be honored to help you stop the cycle.
Love,
Marijke Ocean