The problem with grit.

I do love grit - the idea that the learning to be resilient and persistent in the face of difficulty is an essential skill.

I also agree that consistently removing resistance and difficulty from the paths of others denies them of the privilege of learning key lessons and developing confidence.

I guess you could say I am "for" grit.
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AND...

I work with talented, determined, responsible, accountable people who have STAYED TOO LONG in circumstances that weaken them rather than make them stronger.
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Cultures, leaders, and relationships that rely on fear, shame, and scarcity to motivate people are ideal environments to grow self-doubt, chronic stress, and survival thinking.
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In the short term staying in environments like this makes us weaker, not stronger. When we swim in the water of shame, scarcity and fear we habituate our brains to be defensive, protective, risk-averse, and untrusting.
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In these environments we practice all the core behaviors that stifle problem solving, creativity, connection, and innovation.
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STAYING in this situation doesn't cultivate grit, it cultivates a smaller, limited version of our potential.
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Of course these environments also dull the very awareness and confidence that allow us to choose to leave. So leaving these situations takes a lot of courage and bravery.
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If you are feeling stuck in this cycle please know:

I have been there.

Others have been there.

It's ok to leave (and it is different than "quitting").

You can and will bounce back.

Love,

Marijke Ocean

P.S. If you are someone you know need help navigating these waters, consider an Explore Coaching session. It's free and we can talk more about how coaching works and whether it's right for your particular situation.