i've been acting so entitled...
I’ve recently had a series of little upsets in the relatively smooth functioning of my life.
Specifically, my body has disappointed me by not working smoothly and cooperatively in the way that I think I should.
What I’ve noticed in the course of working with these issues is that I have a lot of entitlement about my physical health.
My entitlement story is not one in which things do not require effort but rather because I am such a good and hard worker I deserve to have things go well.
I don’t deserve to have this kind of physical difficulty.
I expect that I should be able to feel healthy with ease.
I expect to not have physical discomfort that interrupts my work or life.
Even as I confess this to you, I am struck by how strongly these thoughts sound true while at the same time seeming completely ridiculous.
For instance, I do work hard in various ways but I do not work particularly hard on physical fitness. The good, hard work that I use to entitle myself to physical health is not even physical hard work! Absurdity!
The awareness about this entitlement story is very powerful. There is a feeling I liken to grieving, realizing this fantasy cannot go on.
The fantasy of deserving or even earning health and physical well-being in exchange for “being good.”
The fantasy that by living in a certain way I can avoid the difficulties of getting old, getting sick…being human.
I also started to notice myself occasionally adopting an opposite, aggressive, and extreme position. The position of “Why Bother!” If I can’t control my happiness with my actions then I’ll just stop trying.
Unconsciously, I’ve let this angry, indignant attitude govern my decisions.
Each time I don’t want to do my PT or I don’t listen to my body in some way, I’m in essence saying a little “F—You.”
“F—you, you [body] don’t do what I want and need, so I’m going to ignore what you want and need.”
How childish! But, if you’re being honest, I imagine also - how familiar!
Maybe not about physical stuff – maybe with a boss, a partner, a parent, even the kids. A tit for tat spiteful ignoring of wants or needs. A symptom of entitlement.
One antidote – besides awareness - to this kind of entitlement and expectation is appreciation.
Appreciation for all the gifts of being human and living these fantastically long lives, which are so long in part because they are relatively easy.
Appreciation for the privilege, of being human which comes with the pleasure and pains of getting old, getting sick.
Appreciation for the shared human longing for ease, happiness, wellness and comfort. For the shared aspiration of a “better” life for ourselves and others.
These joys and sorrows are our birthright.
It’s a little embarrassing, and sad, to discover the entitlement at first. But ultimately so freeing to be out of the fantasy and back here in reality about the way things really are.
I’m more kind and curious about how I can help myself be well and feel less blame and resentment about my aches and pains.
From my beautifully imperfect human body and mind to yours,
Marijke Ocean
P.S. If you are stuck in a loop of entitlement or blame about something or someone at work or in life, consider an Explore Coaching session to learn how the support of a coach can help you find your way back to appreciation and ease.
P.P.S. If you are leading a team that is struggling collectively with entitlement, let's talk about crafting a program to help get out of the drama that entitlement often brings.