False Barriers to Freedom

There are lots of circumstances that get in the way of us feeling ease, freedom, safety, good enough, confident, and clear.

There are lots of paradoxes and fundamental conflicts in life that leave us confused, torn, and exhausted.

However, there is also a pervasive false barrier to freedom & clarity that must not be underestimated.

Our own stories.

The stories we tell ourselves about the circumstances, paradoxes and conflicts in our lives.

One common one:

When doing or experiencing something that is difficult, we imagine “this shouldn’t be so hard” and/or “there is something wrong with me that I can’t handle this better.”

Anything like this happening in your life right now?

Implied underneath stories like these is our separateness…” everyone else” or “others” are doing better, handling this more skillfully, not having a hard time.

This isolation creates even more heartache. We now have:

1. Our difficult circumstance/experience

2. Our judgement that we should be handling it better

3. The isolation of ourselves from others

These stories stand directly between us and the freedom, peace, and clarity we seek.

In mindfulness practice we call items 2 & 3 on this list “the second arrow.” In coaching, we call these stories limiting beliefs.

Whatever we call them, they are the injury after the injury.

The stories we use to further harm ourselves or others.

In the example I give above, the limiting belief is directed inward, towards our self. (Truth be told, this is my mind’s preferred flavor of storytelling…)

But sometimes we direct those stories towards blaming, shaming and judging others. “He shouldn’t…” “She should be ashamed that…” “He is lazy, doesn’t care enough, etc…”

So what to do?

Would you believe me if I told you that the simple practice of 1) noticing the story you are telling and 2) seeing the common humanity in your situation is HUGELY helpful?

In fact it may be enough to blow open totally new ways to relate to the challenging circumstance or experience.

These barriers to freedom, peace and clarity turn to dust in the light of our awareness and kindness.

(Meditation is not required to use this technique. But if you are interested in trying that approach, this simple 5-minute self-compassion practice is a great start.)

If you ever want help spotting the stories, problem solving the difficult circumstances, or finding the common humanity in your midst…I’m your gal! It would be my honor to help!

Love,

Marijke Ocean Joy