Just Wash Your Hands with Warm Water
Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
- Howard Thurman
Self-care for me started as a release valve. It was a way to treat myself, give myself a little break, so that I could return to the intensity of life.
It helped me “get back at it.” It helped me keep showing up.
And I always enjoyed it with a side of guilt. “I should be doing something more productive.” “I should be with my family, friends, or work.” “Am I being too selfish?” “Is Dennis judging me for needing this time?”
In fact, when I started to more intentionally carve out time for myself it created very real tension between Dennis and I. I would want to take a few hours on the weekend to exercise, or get a manicure, or meet a friend. But then it would spark discussions later about who was contributing more at home, who was being taken for granted. Once Dennis also started to carve out time for self-care a lot of this debate changed.
Once we both had more of the time we needed for self-care we weren’t keeping score as much.
But all this is to say – that it’s likely you have a complicated relationship with self-care and it’s also likely that the people around you also have a complicated, and perhaps unconscious, set of limiting beliefs about self-care.
So today I want to encourage you to try and think about self-care in some unique ways that might help shake up the chatter you have in your brain and the patterns you have in your relationships.
Take a few deep breaths. Feel the weight of your body being held by gravity.
For you...
…what is play?
…what is rest?
…what feels like freedom?
…what does your body most need right now?
…what does your heart most need right now?
…what does your mind most need right now?
If you knew you were completely whole and utterly loved as you are right now – what would be the kindest thing you could do for yourself?
Brainstorm with reckless abandon, you won’t have to show this to anyone!
Now looking back – is there anything you can start to add into your life right now?
Start small.
Start free, or cheap.
As you do it – acknowledge that you are doing something to fuel your highest and best self.
If you’re feeling a little stuck – that’s normal. We don’t often ponder these types of questions and when we do there is likely a competing soundtrack inside us suggesting we shouldn’t. My coach Amie Allen calls it our “itty bitty shitty committee” – an apt name.
So here are a few - potentially surprising - little ideas from others:
Put on chapstick, right now.
Get up and go to the bathroom as soon as you need to rather than waiting.
Get a glass of ice water.
Wash your hands (or do the dishes) with pleasantly warm water.
Turn off my phone for 15 (or 30, or 60) minutes.
Walk around the block.
Watch funny cat videos on You Tube.
Read a book, just for pleasure.
Put on hand lotion.
Put a chapstick (or hand lotion) in key places you always want them and don’t have them.
Get a cup of something hot to drink.
Meet up with a friend from my childhood for coffee or tea.
Play a favorite song.
Go get some fresh air.
How do you self-care? What or who gets in your way?
From my highest and best self to yours …
Much love,
Marijke Ocean Joy
P.S. If you liked this exercise my dear friend but felt stuck and want to explore further – consider signing up for a mini-coaching session with me!